Dame Ginny's Thoughts
I awoke this morning to the sound of my dust bunnies howling out a warning and a large shadow hovering over Merryhouse (the name of our estate). I knew then that I must ready myself for an attack from Duke Duke. (His real name is Duke Marmaduke Ellesmere but we just refer to him as Duke Duke when we're feeling polite, and [DELETED FOR THE CHILDREN] when we're not.)
The shadow was cast by the Duke's zeppelin "the Gray Ghost" which was hovering above our tower with a rope ladder dangling from one of it's hatches. I had not heard the approach of the Gray Ghost but my specially trained dust bunnies were alert and ready for any sign of the Duke.
You're probably asking yourself about my specialized alarm and attack system. "Where," you are asking "did she get ATTACK dust bunnies?!" Well my friends, why do you think all those old estates and castles you've seen on t.v. have cobwebs hanging everywhere and 3 inches of dust on every surface? Yes! Those are dust bunny nurseries.
Here's a little dust bunny biology for you. Dust bunnies start as a single cell (usually one of the resident's skin cells where they are born) and immediately start their long trip to the nearest laundry room.
This is an EPIC journey and, sadly, not ALL will reach their destination.If, for instance a fetal dust bunny comes upon a voracious vacuum cleaner he or she will be sucked into the vortex of doom. Perhaps an even worse fate awaits those who are trapped by a rapacious Swiffer which traps them in its terrible tentacles until they are disposed of by the malevolent wielder of these horrible WDBDs (Weapons of Dust Bunny Destruction). Here I must make a disclaimer: As a charter member of the SPODBD (Society for the Prevention of Dust Bunny Disposal) I have NEVER voluntarily cleaned my house.
As they travel along their perilous way they will meet others of their ilk and join one another into a small commune no bigger than a sunbeam. IF they make it to the laundry room they must LURK under the dryer until someone comes in to said room and switches clothes from the washer to the dryer.
The fetal bunnies then begin the sacrificial sock chant. First they bounce and scuttle into a circle and start to dance what looks astonishingly like "ring around the rosie". It has been posited that the human game actually began when human children, who are closer to the ground than adults observed the ancient rite and imitated it. The second part is the actual chant which consists of the words "Gol dern it I KNOW I put a PAIR of socks in here, where's the LEFT one?" , said over and over again.
Inside the dryer the left sock of each pair then, with a small whisper of pride, knowing what awaits, disintegrates,and migrates to the lint filter where a lint lion is created. When the owner of the laundry in the dryer empties the lint filter the dust bunnies grab the lint lion and pull it under the machine. There they nurse and grow under the lint lion's supervision being nourished by love and lint.
Here at Merryhouse, after the babies reach a certain size and can leave their mommies, they are tested to see what their personality traits are and which jobs at the estate they will be most comfortable in. Those who are the most energetic and outgoing are trained in the ways of hospitality at Merryhouse. Heh, Heh, Heh. Let's just say, if you're invited to my place the bunnies will be hiding under every piece of furniture and if you start any trouble you'll be sorry.
Back to the Duke who is stealthily climbing down that rope ladder toward the tower.
I have to admit I felt a little sorry for him as I released my most aggressive bunnies. They came out from every room in the estate and and headed for the tower stairs ready for action.
The Duke broke the glass in the highest window of the tower, alright, alright, it was the room over the garage since our estate owners assoc. has building code regulations about estate height. He entered and.... OH RATS there goes the timer on the dryer and I don't want the next lint lion to be over done. More later.